Unhappy.

I have been trying to be positive lately by listening to the golden oldies and forcing myself to be sociable. It's not working. I think it deals a lot with my stress level, as well as with my overall discontentment with where I am right now. I have changed my major once already and don't have enough money to keep going to school and changing my mind. I have a lot of interests but nothing I'm undoubtedly amazing at! And now...today...after I already broke down last night about my discontentment with school, with Hays, with my life in general...my roommate and best friend decides to leave...and might even move out because I have "changed" and because she doesn't like my boyfriend. Things can be rough with Casey but there are a lot of good things about him that I don't want to lose. As for change with me, its nothing to do with my roommate. Its about me...I am not happy with school, I don't have a lot of time for myself, and I don't like the society I live in. I don't like to go out and party and dance. I like to sit at home and read a good book, or if I had a pet, I like to go on walks with them. I wish I could have a pet here...I am a loner...and I have depression...I just don't have the money to truly take care of it. Maybe if I could get my life together more I would be happier and then people around me could enjoy my company again...I don't know. Another factor that has really changed my happiness level is what happened with me and Ducky. He was my best friend and an ex boyfriend of mine...then something stupid happened when we were at a party and drunk and now we hardly talk cuz of it...too much hurt and pain. After that happened, something inside of me died...I think this happens everytime a loss occurs in someone's life...its just this was one of the big ones in my life. I want to be like I used to...but I don't know how to go back.